creepy memory

im a rememberer of people. other things too, but theres no awkward conversations or any of that with a coffee shop, bar, forest, or beach. they tend to be equally welcoming to all.

at any rate, memory has its purpose in the grand scheme of things. you know where to find food and water and not to touch a hot stove. you know where to find the people, things, and places that are of comfort. but there are some things i would rather forget. and it seems that many other people do. and i will, in all likelihood, forget your name when i first meet you. but if you make any kind of impression on me, i will remember your face forever it seems.

so what to do then? when i see a random acquaintance do i talk to them? i feel like i would come off as some sort of idiot savant. 'we meet two years ago a a bonfire in the summer and talked about canadian bacon and how its just ham and that actual bacon is far superior, but for the life of me i cant recall your name.' or not acknowledge them, and if they remember, you could come off like some arrogant jerk. this is where social anxiety comes from, i think. well, its one source. and my primary source. however, since i love awkward situations its not really that bad, only a little creepy to some.

anyway, this whole remembering things also seems to make it a bit difficult to let the past be. it seems i am always dredging things up in my mind. theres second gussing. theres wondering 'will it ever be that good again?' hoping that something like that never happens again. replaying the car crash, the pain, the joy, the love, the loss of yesterday, last week, last year, a decade ago. its this memory that gets annoying sometimes. why do these names and places and things come back years later? far past their useful shelf life. surely i could use that space to recall things of greater import to my life now.

oh well, perhaps one day the meaning of all this will reveal itself. mayhaps not. at any rate, i have enough to wory about, and id rather not creep people out or feel awkward about ignoring them.