chasing dreams

its in my nature, but i cant call it human nature, not to be able to sleep just anywhere. in fact in many cases it takes a week or two to be comfortable sleeping in a new place. having just moved over the weekend and not being able to fill my space with all the clutter that makes me comfortable, sleep has been elusive the last couple of nights.

not being able to move in last night due to waiting for carpet to be replaced, i was able to dive back into a book that i hadnt the time to read. when i read, especially for more then a few minutes, i start to take on the tone and style of writing in my thinking and even in my speech at times. when i was reading an Irvine Welsh novel i started speaking in the Scottish accent that he wrote in completely unintentionally when someone interrupted me. it surprised me as much as my roommate who had addressed me.

anyway, i sat, well, laid, in bed last night awaiting sleep with flowing dark prose streaming through my mind. i thought about the phrase 'try to sleep.' it seems that the more you try the less likely you are to succeed in that endeavor. i lay there trying to become accustomed to the sounds of a new house. those sounds that you dont notice at a place youve lived for a couple months are the same ones that keep you up at night when youve lived there for only a few days. all the clicks and pops and groans of a house, all those innocuous noises keeping me awake, when, in a few weeks i wont even notice. its an odd process. i lay there and marveled at how i have fallen asleep in the midst of a party or innumerable times in a car, and yet, here i was in my bed laying awake because of the smallest noises. i once slept under a tree in a park because i was too tired to walk home, and now, cozy, in my bed, sleep was eluding me.

you cant chase sleep. you have to just relax and open yourself up to it and it takes over. searching for sleep is like searching for Atlantis, youll just end up tired and weary with nothing to show for it.